And it was much needed.
Recently with all of my life changes, I have begun to reflect on what my needs are and actively limiting the extras, so just taking the time to breath easy felt necessary to begin this week. All of these extras have included podcasts, websites, tv shows, social media, some relationships(!) and even my crafty home of Ravelry. I mean I'd try to cycle through a bunch of this stuff daily, and really why? Some of it was pleasurable but a lot was just me escaping my life and looking at (and thinking about) other's people's lives. And, most of them strangers!! Honestly. Not living my best life.
Let me tell you, letting go hasn't been a bad thing because keeping up can be draining. And this includes maintaining relationships with everyone you know. I don't chase people anymore. I try to keep up to a certain degree and if I can't, that has to be okay. No one is loved or cared for any less.
So in releasing the "dead" weight, what am I making room for? Well Japan is and will become my second home, more so than here in the States. My mom is gone, and while I still have family scattered around, it's complicated. Not in any dramatic sense, it's just that we've just never been THOSE people. Everyone is at arms length and well my Japanese in laws and extended family are most welcoming and that's that. Me being black is not a thing and I never feel weird.
I will write more about where they live and some of our adventures in another post, but visiting them earlier this year and deciding to become an ESL teacher have got the mental juices flowing towards a life I want. I want to restart my Japanese studies as I am learning about learning from a theoretical point of view in my current studies. The generic way of teaching/learning languages has never worked for me and I am slowly learning how to turn this around in the future both for myself but also my students. I have neither the time or money to invest in more classes, but I am plotting out how I can make Japanese work for me within our home.
I want to be more creative- developing my knitting and sewing crafts more. I can't devote unlimited hours at a sitting to a project anymore, but in chunks I can make things! Japanese sewing books are a puzzling undertaking that I dream of mastering. My language skills will grow as I learn the vocabulary to create and this is exciting to me.
I've made a set time to get outside and work out with other mammas. The trainer doesn't take it easy on us and we're not easy on ourselves. In going once a week for about the last 5/6 weeks I can see the physical differences in my body. Yes, I would love to do add in another one or two workouts, but that just doesn't work right now. But what I can do, while my kid is rolling around on the floor, are some squats and mountain climbers! Maybe a pushup or two.
I don't have more than 24 hours in a day, but I can change how I am using my time.
And on that note one of my favorite albums when I'm in my head...